Border closures and travel bans have made if difficult for unmarried couples.
GettyA labyrinth of travel restrictions and border closures have added a daunting layer of complexity to long-distance relationships
Well-intended rules and regulations—imposed to help stem the spread of COVID-19—are stymying the ability of binational couples to see their partners. This, despite the fact that these couples are willing to get screened for the virus before they travel and remain in quarantine with their partners after they arrive.
Like everyone else, unmarried couples living apart—in two different countries—worry about the impact of the virus on their health, work, and everyday lives. But this angst is compounded by lengthy and painful separations, as well as uncertainties about where and when they’ll see each other again.
Here are a few stories that illustrate such situations:
Corsi Crumpler and Sean Donovan
Corsi Crumpler
Photo courtesy of Corsi CrumplerCorsi Crumpler, 28, a silversmith in Wichita Falls, Texas, owns a small jewelry company. Due to give birth for the first time any day now, Corsi last saw her fiancé, Sean Donovan, 29, for five days in March. He had traveled from his home in Dublin, Ireland to join her for the baby’s 20-week anatomy scan (ultrasound). As the owner of a plumbing company, Sean returned home to work and continue saving for their future.
“We met at a pub in Dublin in 2018 and the rest is history,” she says. The couple face time, talk by phone, and text multiple times a day but can’t shake the trauma of their separation. “I have been pregnant, isolated, alone, terrified and anxiety-ridden for the past six months,” she says. “I feel robbed of what should have been the most beautiful and exciting experience of my life: Putting the crib together alone, figuring out the car seat, and crying in pain at night, alone. Sean has never felt the baby kick.”
Corsi Crumpler and Sean Donovan
Photo courtesy of Cosi Crumpler“Our K-1 Visa (a non-immigrant visa for a fiancé/fiancée) ceased to make progress because the embassies and the U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) shut down—without word about when they might reopen,” she says.
“Sean can’t come to the States because Ireland is on the U.S. travel ban list; I can’t fly internationally at this point in my pregnancy, especially during the COVID crisis.”
“The US Embassy in Dublin told us that Sean might qualify for a ‘humanitarian waiver’ to visit me,” she says. “So we went through all the paperwork and purchased air tickets (required to prove his intent to return). After a week-long runaround complying with document requests, they turned us down two days later (via email) and chalked it up to a misunderstanding.” Adding to the disappointment: A few days later, Corsi learned that more than 1000 foreign athletes and their families/significant others were granted travel ban waivers to enter the U.S.
Duifje van Egmond and Ozorio Holanda
Duifje van Egmond and Ozorio Holanda
Photo courtesy Duifje van EgmondDuifje van Egmond, 31, lives in Deventer, the Netherlands; her boyfriend of three years, Ozorio Holanda, 29, lives in São Paolo, Brazil. The couple met in 2016, when they were both enrolled in a PhD program in theoretical physics with the same professor at Rio de Janeiro State University. They last saw each other in Paris in January, where Duifje was spending a semester as part of her doctoral studies.
She planned to return to Brazil on April 1 to finish her degree but by that time, borders had closed and the Netherlands was one of the EU countries that didn’t allow travelers to enter unless they fell into an exempt category. For the same reasons, Duifje was unable to travel to Brazil.
Prior to the pandemic, the couple had planned to maintain a long-distance relationship for at least a year to pursue their respective career goals with intermittent visits, whenever possible. Now, despite a five-hour time zone difference, they stay in touch by phone each day and also connect using WhatsApp or Instagram.
Duifje feels anxious and unsettled. “We want to spend all the time we can together,” she says. “It feels like our relationship is surviving—on hold. We still have the emotional connection but are missing the physical one and the ability to live our lives as a couple. I worry that we won’t be there for each other if something goes wrong.”
“This crisis has laid bare old patterns and definitions that aren’t appropriate to this day and age,” she says. “One of these is the definition of a sustainable relationship, which many people today have without the seal of a marriage. There are modern ways to show you are in a relationship, like photos and social media accounts. I hope governments will realize this and help us reunite with our loved ones.”
Dylan Greene and Gugulethu (Gugu) Duma
Dylan Greene and Gugulethu (Gugu) Duma
Photo courtesy Dylan GreeneYou might call Dylan Greene, 27, and Gugulethu Duma, 29, citizens of the world. The couple—both of them composers, musicians and teachers—met as international fellows at a program called Onebeat, two of 24 individuals from 16 countries selected to tour the eastern seaboard of the USA, composing and performing.
Dylan is Canadian. Gugu, who is from South Africa, has been living in Trondheim, Norway completing a master’s degree. Since COVID hit, she has been in Berlin. They last saw each other in February in Brooklyn, New York. Since then, they video call or phone each other multiple times a day, and text, share art and watch movies. “The WhatsApp experience has gotten very tiring,” he says. “We just want to experience body language again and not be restricted to words.”
Gugu is not permitted to travel to the U.S. from Germany and she’s unable to return to South Africa because its borders are shut. Dylan hasn’t been able to get to Germany. He’s had five flights cancelled despite providing evidence of negative COVID tests, doctors’ notes testifying to his need to be with her, and proof of their residence. But the couple hasn’t given up.
The separation has been taxing on the two and on their relationship but they feel fortunate to still have some work and their basic needs taken care of. It’s the uncertainty and rapidity of changes in border policies that get overwhelming.
A growing movement
Love is not tourism graphic
Couresy Nane Martens/Couples Separated by Travel BansCouples like these are using social media to organize, amplify their individual voices, and implore governments to ease entry requirements for unmarried couples in committed relationships.
As of this writing, one Facebook Group among a growing number, Love Is Not Tourism, had 8259 members. Another, Couples Separated by Travel Bans, had 4,642.
On Twitter, couples post personal stories, express frustrations, and cheer incremental vistories using hashtags like #LoveIsEssential, #LoveIsNotTourism, #LiftTheTravelBan, and #kærlighedudengrænser (love without boundaries).
A petition on Change.org (also with the hashtag #LoveIsEssential) asks governmental authorities to lift travel bans and reunite couples. It has already garnered more than 17K signatures.
Navigating long-distance relationships during the pandemic
Unmarried couples separated by the pandemic lament about lives and relationships put “on hold,” without the ability to plan the future. Some have suffered economic losses due to broken leases and contracts (e.g., for weddings) signed well before the bans were put in place. For most, the steepest toll has been emotional: loss of sleep, loss of focus, anxiety, panic attacks and slides into depression.
Some have found circuitous ways to meet up in third countries. For example, a number of Dutch-American couples have met in Aruba, a country that still welcomes citizens from both countries if they test negative. But long weekends are costly and often end up being emotionally exhausting as well, returning home to the same situation as before. Moreover, these strategies run counter to the common goal of preventing the spread of the virus.
In another instance, a woman from Belgium traveled to Mexico to see her partner of two years, a U.S. citizen from Nebraska. After 14 days, the couple will be able to fly to the States together. “I had to travel to a country that has many more cases than Belgium does, and take triple the amount of planes I usually take,” she says. “It feels like I’m putting myself and my partner (and basically everyone else I interact with during this trip and afterwards, including our families) in way more danger than necessary.” She also worries that sudden changes in border policies may leave the couple stranded in Mexico.
Social media allows these binational couples to stay on top of constantly evolving policies that vary from nation to nation. For many, the tips, exchange of information, and support they have found online has been a virtual lifesaver. “It’s easy to get caught up in your own world and feel like being separated from your loved one is only happening to you,” says one user.
Duifje advises couples to seek out country-specific groups to bolster advocacy efforts and gain more traction. “For example,” she says, “In the end, no real decisions can be made at the level of the European Union and anyway, the EU is slow on regulations.” She also suggests engaging the media to increase public awareness of the problem. “Politicians have to realize, this is not about summer love or tourism: These are relationships that have been going on for years,” she says.
Yet, there are some glimmers of hope. Denmark, Norway, Switzerland, Austria and, just this week, the Netherlands have eased entry requirements for long-distance couples. The website LoveIsNotTourism documents these achievements and offers suggestions on ways to promote change in other countries.
Couples fear that a second wave of the virus may extend the length of time that border restrictions are in place so they hope to compel governments to act before then. Their message: We deserve to be recognized as “essential” travelers rather than tourists.
“To us, and to most humans I believe, love, is very essential,” says Nane Mertens, one of the administrators of Couples Separated by Travel Bans.
The Link LonkJuly 19, 2020 at 06:10PM
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Travel Restrictions Wreak Havoc On Long-Distance Relationships - Forbes
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